While watching the interview with Mark Martin after his wreck at Talladega, I cynically chuckled listening to his comment stating fans were the only group who could change plate racing. When’s the last time that fans have had any influence on NA$CAR’s decision making? The Southern 500 at Darlington is gone, Rockingham is gone and we’re still stuck with the chase. But wait, hold the presses, this bulletin just in, the fad fans and WWE type fans - the fans of Racer-Tainment, DO have power over Darth Brain. The mind meld power of more money – more money, Mark just needed to clarify his comment a bit. What he should’ve said was, “the Racer-Tainment fans could change plate racing”. We fans of real racing don’t have power to change anything, we’re the minority fan group. NA$CAR is catering to the Racer-Tainment fans and they love plate racing the way it is. As long they keep pumping money into Brain’s one armed bandit plate race “shows”, real racing fans haven’t got a snowballs chance in a very hot place of seeing any changes made by Don France and Organized NA$CAR.

The Racer-Tainment fans are the reason the plates are still with us. What’s the number one marketing strategy NA$CAR and the media uses for advertising the plate races? You got it, THE BIG ONE. You won’t see a NA$CAR ad for either track that doesn’t include footage showing the carnage of the big one. Plate races sure don’t offer up much else in terms of action now do they. Oh they’ll mention the great racing and passes for the lead. What passes? What racing? Stuck in one long line passing the other long line? Pulling up, falling back, pulling up again, falling back again. Helplessly seeing cars beside you get lined up for their turn to pass? Passing while riding the freight train, only to get freight trained right back the next lap? You can say what you want, but that’s not real racing. Wouldn’t it be more exciting to see cars passing and battling without fear of getting freight trained, battling to win instead of being pleased with 5th,, or 10th, or simply not getting wrecked?

If the big one didn’t occur, the plate races would be the most boring races of the season. But, King Brain, being his lucky privileged self, inherited what may be the greatest Racer-Tainment gimmick since Bobby Allison slugged it out with Cale Yarborough or Clyde Torkel put Stroker Ace in a chicken suit! What is this magical device? Why the restrictor plate of course. NA$CAR, more specifically King Brain, could invest some of his France Bucks and get rid of the plates. There’s lots of ways to change these cars to slow them down and break the packs up, more reasons than I have space to list here. But Brain knows if he takes the plates off and gets rid of the big one, his marketing tool will be useless. If he keeps the plates, cha-ching, more money in the bank! Highlight reels. Swimming pools. Movie stars. Beverly Hills Brain! The Big One should be renamed the France Family Mint.

The Racer-Tainment fans only watch plate races because of the big one. Without the big one, the Racer-Tainment fans are gone. There was a plate race a few years ago without the big one, and all the talk around the NA$CAR campfire centered on how boring the fans said it was. NA$CAR needs the plates on to keep the mint cranking out money. Can you imagine how embarrassed His Royal Highness and 13th Legion of Yes Men would be if the Daytona 500 was the most boring race of the year? You’d find more song and dance in Daytona than at a Gene Kelly-Fred Astaire-Debbie Reynolds Convention.

If you go to Daytona or Talladega and see a plate race live, these races are boring 50% of the time anyway. It’s the nature of a track that size. Don’t think so? If you haven’t been to a race at either of these tracks, imagine this. You’re sitting in the tri-oval. A pack of 30 or 40 cars comes blistering by, the whole pack goes by in tenths of seconds. You can feel it, and hear it, and smell it. It’s gear head heaven. Then they’re gone. So, you sit in relative silence, talking to your neighbor, listening to the track PA system, fumbling with your 5 dollar hamburger. The back stretch is so far away you have to squint to see what’s happening. The cars all look alike, so unless you have binoculars or eyesight like a hawk, the track PA is your only help. And around 30 or 40 seconds later, the pack shows up in turn 3, then 4, then begins to head toward you. All right. Finally, here they come. The excitement. Sweat builds on your brow. Your stomach knots up in anticipation. Your backside tenses up. You squint again into the hazy distance towards turn 4 to make out your driver’s car in the tightly packed bundle. A-------nd here they come, with a thunderous, engulfing Zooom…. They speed away from you heading towards turn 1. And so, they’re gone. The waiting starts over again. Silence. “Pass the ketchup, will ya?” Imagine this cycle over and over for 200 laps. Constant anticipation of the big one keeps the Racer-Tainment fans on the edge of their seat, not the “racing”.

Now I know many of you will disagree with me and you’re right. There’s a lot more going on at a race than this, but I’m trying to make a point. Darth Brain, Hell-Ton boy and the rest of the evil empire needs, and wants the big one, to keep the Racer-Tainment fans entertained and coughing up more France Bucks. They’re not going to get rid of the plates, Period. End of story. Heck, I challenge them to prove me wrong, I wish they would prove me wrong on that one!

A couple of closing thoughts. First, a reply from a reader. This one really tickled me and made me laugh. I took out a couple colorful words, so as not to offend anyone. It refers to this article, NA$CAR RACER-TAINMENT:

“I printed up this article and bolted it to my garage wall. I, and so many others feel exactly the same way. When I try to explain my feelings to someone about what is so ass end backwards in this sport, I can’t seem to explain myself clearly. But you sure hit it dead on. Thanks for voicing mine, and so many of my fellow "true racers" opinions.”

Thanks Don for the comment. Lastly, have you seen the commercial for the NASCAR 2006 video game? What’s with this team based racing crap? And guess who’s featured in the commercial, Jeffy and Jimmy. What the H-E double L is this? Did Hendrick fund this game? Might as well have titled this game “Hendrick’s 2005 Team: Chase Racing”. What a pathetic display Sunday from the Hendrick drivers. Jeff slows down to help a damaged Jimmy and gets himself tore up in the process, then Kyle Busch and Mike Bliss (a satellite Hendrick car) conveniently park their cars (earning a DNF) near the end of the race “allowing” Jimmy to gain two more positions. Pathetic, just a pitiful display of “racing”. You Hendrick fans can defend all you want, but I stand by my opinion. At least the Roush drivers race each other like racers, not best buddies or high school sweethearts (ooh…. did I sat that?)

Wes Cook,
Somewhere near Atlanta

Cookster351@yahoo.com